Desert Island Top 5 albums (i.e. you can only have 5 albums to listen to and yes, there is a cd player and unlimited batteries on the island).

I'm not really one for desert islands, so the real surprise would be that I were there at all. Much less with a cd player. But thankfully the island I marooned myself on has a bookshop, so I would definite ly choose records that were good for reading to.

• Tortoise – TNT
• Mogwai – Young Team
• Tim Hecker – Harmony in Ultrviolet
• L'Acefale – Maleafeance
• Broken Shoulder – Broken Shoulderrr

Tell me a reason why I should move to London and a reason why I should not.

London is a dreadful place, full of high rents, high crime, low wages and low morale. Not to mention the longest (yet seemingly futile) working hours in Europe. Daily I crave to live in an easier, happier city, with a safer, friendlier life. But London is annoying in that it has the best museums in the world, the best theatre in the world, the best music, the best comedy, the best art and the best media. It stinks, it's hard work and I hate it at times, but I think I'd feel like I was missing out if I didn't live here right now. Also, you can stay on our couch if you like?

What are your thoughts on the royal family?

The Royal Family make me want to throw rocks at people. Throw rocks at people who have no right being head of a state they give nothing to. People who stare blankly at us through deadened eyes, showing no emotion or hint of their real self. People who do nothing for their subjects but shake the right hands and say the right words. People who represent elitism of the highest form. People who, on a regular basis, make me feel embarrassed to be a part of modern Britain. People who embody nothing of the liberal, inquisitive and creative modern Britain that I love and am proud of. People that don't bring in half as much tourism as their supporters would have you believe - Of the top 20 tourist attractions in the UK only one royal residence makes it: Windsor Castle at number 17 (beaten comfortably by Windsor Legoland, in at number 7). Royal residences account for less than 1% of total tourist revenue. Indeed, the success of the Tower of London (number 6 in the list) suggests that tourism would benefit if Buckingham Palace and Windsor castle were vacated by the Windsor family. I stole this statistic from Republic.org. People who give me the shits. People who damage democracy by just being. People who inexplicably dress up as German WWII officers and think it funny. People who announce really quite expensive, publicly funded wedding plans in the middle of a global recession, and expect the nudging of their equally inbred and pompous friends (family) in office to bribe us into stupified happiness with a day off. I don't want you to give me a day off, I want you to go away. These, Jeremy, are my thoughts on the Royal Family.

What are your biggest musical inspirations (or things that inspire your writing?

Feeling dreadful at, or on the way to, or way home from, work always seems to be a large inspiration. It does, however, lead to songs and art of running away, despair, and horrendous violence.

You can take one book and one movie from the present and you can put it in a special time machine mail box that will send that book and movie back to your 16 year old self (and don't worry, the book and movie will not disappear if they are sent to a time before they existed - the time machine mail box has been specifically designed to deal with this situation).

What book and what movie would you send and why?

For reasons unexplained, amazing artists sometimes never get heard. Who deserve more love than they currently get?

The London band Fighting Kites, and their subsiduary noise maker, whom's wonderful album I just mastered recently, Broken Shoulder.

Name one song you wish you had written instead of whoever actually wrote it.

MR BLUE SKY. It makes me think of my wife.

You can only have one thing for the rest of your life, which do you chose: cigarettes, coffee, wine, beer or ketchup?

Honestly, I could live out the rest of my days without ever having to come in contact with Ketchup again, and be a very happy man. The passionate yet destructive affair I had with cigarettes in my youth, set my Asthma Peak-Flow Chart back about 15 years, and thusly we had to part on painfully emotional terms. It's hard to talk about, and we know we can never be together again, but we still have feelings for each other. Coffee, Wine and Beer is all I have left Jeremy. And the days are closing in for when I will have to part with one of these too. Why would you do this to me prematurely Jeremy? And why end the questionnaire on such a sombre note? Why?